Important advice:

As soon as the diagnosis of a serious affliction starts to be evoked for an unborn child, it is important to refer to the specifications given by the doctors who undertook the examination since every child is unique.

For more information, referenced and trustworthy organisations are proposed by this site. There is a risk of finding too much information on the Internet or information which is not adapted to the particular case or even false information. This would only increase the anxiety of parents who are already disturbed by the situation.

The announcement of a malformation or serious abnormality always leaves parents « in shock » even if results of preliminary examinations began to allow them to envisage such a situation.
Faced with such diagnoses which result in the death of the child (Trisomy 18, Trisomy 13, a serious form of hernia of the diaphragm, bilateral renal agenesis, severe bilateral uropathy, major heart malformation, anencephaly, etc...), one of the reactions may be to want to «get it over with as soon as possible», since the expected baby is no longer a sign of hope and joy, but assured future suffering.

Therefore, the possibility of a termination, which is often presented at the same time as the diagnosis, seems a solution which will quickly end the parents’ suffering and stop continuing the pregnancy « for nothing ».
For friends and family as for many professionals, a termination appears to be « the best possibility»: since in all cases the child will die, there is no point in hesitating or putting off the appointed hour.

Despite all the pressure that can come from medical staff and, or a member close to the couple, it should be kept in mind that in contrast to what we may think when we are in the middle of such a whirlwind of events, if this pregnancy is “terminated”, it opens up a parenthesis which will never be closed. It is not because a termination can be done quickly that the suffering will finish quickly. It is often afterwards that the parents (especially the mother who carried the child) realise that it is really a child that they have lost and not a process that they have stopped.

The days following the announcement of the diagnosis are therefore essential in order to have time to breathe faced with the shock of the announcement, to not rush things, to get in contact with parents having had a similar diagnosis, to think about the aftermath, to project oneself in the future faced with mourning…Since there is no vital urgency for the mother, the parents can take time to fully understand what their baby has and what the consequences are, before taking their decision.

In all cases, there will be suffering to be endured, that of the death of a baby.  Being aware of this, having the time to prepare, not hurrying towards this death, can all allow for fully appreciating the stakes of the current situation faced with the aftermath and for taking a decision which is the most in accordance with oneself.

When confronted with such a diagnostic, it is important to know how to take your time, to feel supported by a medical team and people who will listen to your suffering.
If parents learn that their child aged 1, 5, 10, 15 years old… has a serious or lethal illness people find it normal that they have further examinations, that they ask to fully understand what their child has, the consequences of the illness , what they can do to best help him or her…. We find it totally normal that they simply accompany them to the end.

Therefore, accompanying a child who has only known the mother’s womb is the same parental approach. It gives the importance of a longer life to this tiny one.
Thinking about accompanying your child to his/her natural death is not madness or an act of bravery. It is a different path, a constructive one, based on love which wants to express itself in time and in the family space. It is essential for each couple to decide according to their personal guidelines, and not to find themselves with an "imposed" termination.