Françoise's letter to her family and friends
Rennes, 19th June 2006
Dear all,
As you no doubt now know, I am expecting a baby for the beginning of September, but my pregnancy will not end in a happy way. Our baby – a little girl! – unfortunately has a serious heart defect which is incompatible with life after the birth (her heart only has one ventricle).
As long as she is well in the warmth of my womb, our little girl is developing normally and is not suffering, moreover she is very active. But at birth her life expectancy is a few hours, maybe two or three days and there is no surgical solution (heart transplants and grafts do not work for new-borns).
It was awful to learn that and it took me a long time to realise, to accept (and I’m not sure that I really have).
Some people will find that the time is very long because it has now been 8 weeks since the verdict fell, but I want to let you know that the time that we have is, on the contrary; a chance.
Since as long as this baby is inside me, it is a moment of intense love shared with her and with her daddy. Why not intensely make the most of this little life that is already here, even if it is very short, to get to know her, to let all our tenderness flow and thus give our child all the love that parents can give ?
Of course there are moments of great sadness in this wait, but I assure you that the joy dominates.
The doctors offered us a termination. You should know that in this case the doctors provoke the death of the baby before the birth.
But for us, giving birth to this child, seeing her and holding her alive even for a minute, exchanging looks so that she recognises us is our most cherished desire. Why speed up death as long as life and joy are present? The pain afterwards won’t be any less it will be terrible in all case since we will have lost a child.
That is why we have refused the termination and that we are carrying on the pregnancy for as long as possible in order to welcome our child alive.
In this way, it seems to us that everything will be in as it should be and we will be able to leave our daughter to her destiny more serenely. She will die peacefully cradled in our arms with all the palliative care necessary to spare her the slightest suffering.
If I wanted to tell you all this today, it is so that there is no silence around our daughter who has a real and true existence. Nothing is worse than the negation of a life, even a very small one, and I know that this recognition will be precious for us, the parents, faced with her absence.
Our daughter is already part of our family history with Quentin and we hope that she will also be part of our larger family history with you all.
I don’t know when we will be able to see each other, but I wanted to break the ice now. I know that for all of you it is hard to find the words and that you can feel ill at ease.
So I invite you through this message to not be afraid of my big stomach or be afraid to talk to us about it.
For the moment, we are no longer crying, we are driven by this parenthesis of love before the inevitable end and that is all that counts for the moment.
Afterwards, there will be a period of deep pain, but following that we hope to find peace in which it will be soothing to evoke her memory with you
Take care
Françoise and Gaël
As long as she is well in the warmth of my womb, our little girl is developing normally and is not suffering, moreover she is very active. But at birth her life expectancy is a few hours, maybe two or three days and there is no surgical solution (heart transplants and grafts do not work for new-borns).
It was awful to learn that and it took me a long time to realise, to accept (and I’m not sure that I really have).
Some people will find that the time is very long because it has now been 8 weeks since the verdict fell, but I want to let you know that the time that we have is, on the contrary; a chance.
Since as long as this baby is inside me, it is a moment of intense love shared with her and with her daddy. Why not intensely make the most of this little life that is already here, even if it is very short, to get to know her, to let all our tenderness flow and thus give our child all the love that parents can give ?
Of course there are moments of great sadness in this wait, but I assure you that the joy dominates.
The doctors offered us a termination. You should know that in this case the doctors provoke the death of the baby before the birth.
But for us, giving birth to this child, seeing her and holding her alive even for a minute, exchanging looks so that she recognises us is our most cherished desire. Why speed up death as long as life and joy are present? The pain afterwards won’t be any less it will be terrible in all case since we will have lost a child.
That is why we have refused the termination and that we are carrying on the pregnancy for as long as possible in order to welcome our child alive.
In this way, it seems to us that everything will be in as it should be and we will be able to leave our daughter to her destiny more serenely. She will die peacefully cradled in our arms with all the palliative care necessary to spare her the slightest suffering.
If I wanted to tell you all this today, it is so that there is no silence around our daughter who has a real and true existence. Nothing is worse than the negation of a life, even a very small one, and I know that this recognition will be precious for us, the parents, faced with her absence.
Our daughter is already part of our family history with Quentin and we hope that she will also be part of our larger family history with you all.
I don’t know when we will be able to see each other, but I wanted to break the ice now. I know that for all of you it is hard to find the words and that you can feel ill at ease.
So I invite you through this message to not be afraid of my big stomach or be afraid to talk to us about it.
For the moment, we are no longer crying, we are driven by this parenthesis of love before the inevitable end and that is all that counts for the moment.
Afterwards, there will be a period of deep pain, but following that we hope to find peace in which it will be soothing to evoke her memory with you
Take care
Françoise and Gaël
