Welcoming a baby who will die

Above all, he or she is a child, who is there, alive, growing in the mother’s womb; even if the parents cannot forget the illness for one second, the baby has his or her little life and the family is there to rally round their child.

As parents can do for another older child, they have decided to accompany the baby to the end in order to take time to live everything and express their tenderness.

It is important to give the child a name quite quickly in order that the baby takes his or her whole place in the family history.

Make aware of and let emerge questions from siblings and people close to the family, be true to oneself, give the parents the certitude of sharing a real family time which, although is certainly marked by grief, is also multiplied tenfold by the love that can be given to ones’ baby. However, whilst the whole family has to be prepared, the children’s lives should not be focused on the event either. "Normally ", they would only have got to know their brother or sister little by little after the birth. It is not their baby, and so they must remain in their child lives.

During the entire pregnancy, the parents can have a greater consciousness of the baby’s presence, build up positive shared memories, and create privileged moments with him or her, especially through haptonomy classes (science of affectivity to “communicate with the baby).

Even if time is counted, it can be lived intensely by trying to make the most of all the occasions where the baby is particularly active and receptive to external events (music, familiar noises, voices…). This allows not focusing on the coming death and living to the full these instances of life with him or her: they will remain very powerful in the parents’ hearts and will be a source of comfort after death, helping to support the absence.

However, all this time lived around a baby who will be born and die is not easy. It can also be a source of anxiety and require psychological help. It is also important to surround yourself with friends and family on whom you can rely to express the sorrow and pain felt.
Volunteers can help accompany parents if they feel too isolated: one thing is certain; no one should remain alone in such circumstances.

A consultation with a paediatrician allows the events surrounding the birth to be anticipated. The parents treat all the questions relating to the care of the baby with him. A real relation of trust is necessary in order to face the birth serenely.